“I’m so tired.”

I’m tired.  Really tired.  Exhausted.*   Overwhelmed.

It is not just the grief over my dad’s death.  He has been gone now for a bit more than a month.  Mom has been gone for almost a year and a half.  They lived long happy lives, and they were both alert and aware until the end.  They both also went quickly and were ready to move on.  They are now together again.  And my sister and I who shared Power of Attorney for their last two years were able to make sure all their needs were met—they were well taken care of.

What has me down is more emotional or psychological than physical.  And not over Mom and Dad’s deaths, per se. Death is part of life—and most memories are a comfort.  I was named executor in their wills, so I am dealing with paperwork and delays.  We do not even have a death certificate yet!  Still, it should be an easy process to settle the “estate” because they did not really have much:  an annuity, a retirement account, social security which just stops, and a small combined checking/savings account that is actually a joint account with my sister. 

But other sisters are raising questions about secret accounts and demanding forensic analysis for the past 5-6 years—longer than we were even helping our parents with their affairs. Forensic accounting by definition anticipates fraud.  The tone and language used feel like accusations and suspicions, even when they say “we are not accusing you of anything”!  Thus, I’m meeting with a probate lawyer next week to work out what the legal requirements are.  Settling my parents’ papers should not be this hard as Mom and Dad set things up to be as easy as possible on their deaths—they even pre-paid their own funeral costs.  This whole situation is sad and disheartening—especially since all Mom and Dad wanted was a family that at least acted as if they liked and trusted each other. 

Anyway, I am very, very tired.

I hope to get back to writing my more typical posts about Nature and Star Trek and Gratitude soon.  Until then, I am seeking some distractions this weekend via some old movies and television shows.  Last week, I enjoyed Victor Victoria.  Last night when I could not sleep, I re-watched Star Trek’s “Trouble with Tribbles” and Star Trek Deep Space Nine’s “Trials and Tribble-Ations.”  This weekend I plan to watch some Mel Brooks’ movies that will give me some laughs over silly things, like To Be or Not to Be, Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles. 

I thought of watching these specific films because I love Madeline Kahn’s great rendition of “I’m Tired” in Blazing Saddles.   Just seems so fitting with how I am feeling right now.  Enjoy!

*BTW:  Being tired this weekend has nothing to do with Daylight Saving Time that starts at 2 am on Sunday.  I hate this time change!  And I wrote about it last year.