Gratitude. . . for pet peeves

You know pet peeves.  Those minor annoyances, those personal complaints that just drive you crazy!  They may not bother everyone in the same way—that’s part of the quirkiness of pet peeves.  But when they irritate you, your reaction is extreme, agitated.  Pet peeves make you cringe much like hearing finger nails on a chalkboard.  These disturbing little actions by others can make me want to scream—and I am usually pretty calm.  Whoopi Goldberg explains how her level of irritation can jump to an even higher level:  “I don’t have pet peeves like some people. I have whole kennels of irritation.”

I am not at such an extreme level. . . yet.  But I am spending much too much time focusing on these negative pet peeves.  This realization came when I read a posting on HeatherBlog called “Profound loss, profound gratitude.”  She shared a personal loss and her decision to not dwell on the negative but to embrace life and look for what she had to be grateful for, even in troubling times. Her whole approach to life made me see my own complaining as a pet peeve I usually deplore in others.   I hate complainers who do nothing about the problem situation but whine and whine.  I am embarrassed to say I was becoming one of those people!

Earlier this year, I recommitted myself to being grateful, to expressing my thanks and appreciation more consistently and more often.  It is not a new focus as I have talked about gratitude several times in the past.  My problem is that lately I’ve been noticing pet peeves more and more often.  To try to change that reality, I have decided to step-up and turn my pet peeves into points of gratitude.

My List of Pet Peeves and Their Corresponding Gratitude:

PET PEEVE 1:  Stupid Drivers.  These drivers dangerously zip through traffic, driving much faster than the flow of traffic and cutting folks off in the process.  They include motorcycle drivers who drive between lanes, speeding up the space between cars.

GRATITUDE 1: These drivers are actually few and far between; that’s why I notice them.  So when I do, I will now express thanks for the bulk of drivers who are careful and sane as we all speed along.

PET PEEVE 2:  Guilt-Inducing Messages.  These emails and Facebook posts try to guilt their readers into sending the nonsense message on with such lines as “Let’s see how many people will not be afraid to repost in fear of offending someone. . . or to show how caring a person you are. . . or to prove you love God like I do.”  You get the idea.

GRATITUDE 2:  I am smart enough not to fall for such drivel and can simply delete to my heart’s content.  I never sent chain letters on when they would arrive in an envelope from the postal service either. I will be thankful for not succumbing to peer pressure, even in such silly matters.

PET PEEVE 3:  Entertainment News.  How can stories about what celebrities do, who they date, what they wear, who tweeted what be news?

GRATITUDE 3:  I can be sensible and discriminating enough to just not watch, even though these segments are often hidden in the Evening News Show.  How ridiculous is that? I will be thankful for all channels of quality programming I can turn to.

PET PEEVE 4:  Liars.  These are not the people who say they like your hair even if they don’t or kids who deny doing something wrong.  I mean the adults who purposefully obfuscate things to make themselves look better, who share details out of context and thus change meaning, who out and out lie on important matters.

GRATITUDE 4:  Most friends and most of the others I encounter are not out-and-out liars, and I can try to avoid the ones who are. I will be thankful for honesty and integrity, especially when I am faced with someone who does not exhibit those traits.

PET PEEVE 5:  Rude Talkers.  These people chat incessantly through movies or concerts and talk loudly on their cellphones in public places like restaurants or churches.  These people never put their cellphones on vibrate, even when out in public.

GRATITUDE 5:  I am not one of those people.  These jerks are not as numerous as they seemed to be years ago—and I am thankful for the many people who do not practice this rude behavior.

PET PEEVE 6:  Litterers.  These people just throw trash or cigarettes out their car windows, leave garbage—often including kids’ dirty diapers—in parking lots, and do not pick up trash thrown at receptacles but missed.  The earth is our home!

GRATITUDE 6:  I will be thankful for the kind responsible souls who actually stop and pick up trash wherever they see it as they walk along.  We all need to start practicing this thoughtful behavior.

PET PEEVE 7:  Indestructible Packaging.  These are not the packing peanuts and such that are not biodegradable—but they are bad.  These are the wrappings on things like DVDs and CDs and child-proofed bottles that are absolutely impossible to open without contortions and sharp objects.

GRATITUDE 7:  I am thankful that I ever get those packages opened at all.  And that some packaging is actually being simplified.  Yeah.

PET PEEVE 8:  Annoying Drivers.  These are the people who never turn off their turn signals—or turn without ever turning them on.  They drive 10-15 miles under the speed limit, in the left lane.  They never let others merge in when stopped and waiting in a long line.  People like that.

GRATITUDE 8:  I give thanks for the drivers who say, “Sorry” if they do something silly or problematic on the road, who let others merge easily, and who even say “thanks” when you are helpful and responsive to them.  These people make my day.

PET PEEVE 9:  Non-responders.  You know these people.  They do not say thank-you for gifts, do not acknowledge emails or e-greeting cards, ask questions of you but do not answer your questions of them, ask for updates but do not even say “got it” when you do send it on. I guess it is a seeming air of entitlement that ignores anyone but themselves that underlies their behavior—and it irks me.

GRATITUDE 9:  I am very thankful for friends and family who are responsive and appreciative.  Besides, I can always stop sending to the jerks or stop expecting them to give a polite response.

I must admit, compiling this list helped me focus ultimately on the good, not the irritation.  It felt right to turn pet peeves into expressions of gratitude.  Since the only thing I can control is my behavior and reactions, then I vow to stay positive.  Honest.

What is irritating you lately?  How can you turn it into something positive?

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.  G. B. Stern

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you’re busy interrupting.  Mark Twain

 Always forgive your enemies–nothing annoys them so much. Oscar Wilde

If you can’t annoy somebody, there’s little point in writing.  Kingsley Amis

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.  Mark Twain

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they’re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.  Elizabeth Taylor

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing.  The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.  Mark Twain

NOTE:  The two photos are from Microsoft Word ClipArt files.  The words are mine.

Thankful for Mom & Memories

A little note:  I have not been posting on my blog for quite a few months.  I have been starting entries—book reviews and favorite places, teaching tips and passing thoughts and gratitudes—just not getting them into final form.  But today, I feel the need to share.  And although a silent member lately, my blogging community seemed the place to post my thoughts.  Besides, it is Thanksgiving, and I am thankful for the love, gratitude and ideas shared by my fellow bloggers.  I am also thankful for my mom who taught me to love all of nature.  Her favorite flower–or one of them–was lilacs.

THANKFUL FOR MOM & MEMORIES

It is a bittersweet Thanksgiving, even though the actual events of the day are about the same as the last couple of years.  But this year, I cannot call and talk to my mom.  She died on Saturday, 3 November, ending her pain and suffering from extensive arthritis.  She was ready to go on to Heaven and see her parents and siblings—but we were not ready for her to go.  My dad is doing okay.  For the last year or so, they have lived separately because his medical needs demanded he live in a convalescent hospital while my mom’s needs allowed her to remain in a retirement center.  The two buildings were literally right next to each other, sharing a parking lot.  My sister—thank goodness—brought my dad over for a visit the day before she slipped away.

Two years ago, when they both moved into the retirement center together, the family dinners on Thanksgiving ended.  I would still cook a turkey and would still visit Mom and Dad, but the big dinners no longer took place.  In fact, the several years before the move, I finally convinced Mom that she no longer needed to cook.  We brought the feast in from Marie Callenders—and it was great.  Even lots of good leftovers.  We could still set the table with the good dishes and share together what we appreciated throughout the year.  We did not have all the special foods—the orange cinnamon jello salad, her holiday butter cookies or puppy chow, or handmade mashed potatoes and apple pie—but the food itself was the least important or memorable part of the day.

Today, less than a week since her Memorial Service, I am thinking about what all I am thankful for this Thanksgiving:

• All the years in my mom’s 91 years that we did have Thanksgiving dinner together, even any dinners together.  This past year, once a week I would bring mom dinner, so we could enjoy dinner and a movie in her room.  She could not always follow the movie, but she loved the company.  The night was always reminiscent of nights as a kid and even later as an adult when I would visit on vacation and we would simply watch TV together, eventually taking a break for a bedtime snack.  It was at those quiet times when Mom would finally stop fussing over everyone else and just relax and chit-chat.  I treasure all those evenings—and that she so enjoyed such simple pleasures.
• I also treasure that Mom stayed active and alert mentally up until the end.  Of yes, she might forget what she had for dinner an hour earlier, but she recognized friends and family when they visited. And she enjoyed looking over old photos and telling stories—often the same ones over and over.  Years before when some were fussing at her doctor that she was showing signs of Alzheimer’s, I can remember how she commandeered my doctor’s appointment, so she could make her case that she was still of sound mind.  We had the same doctor as our primary care physician, and she marched in with her proof:  The check book she kept current, never missing a payment and never having an error in her math, which was more impressive knowing she did not use a calculator; the address book that showed all the birthdays she remembered with cards; and her favorite recipes that she was still cooking everyday!  In addition to the blood tests and such that he was exploring, the doctor gave her that memory test where you tell the patient three words and then after a short conversation ask the patient to recall those three words.  Mom got them right—and the doctor and I chuckled a bit when we caught eyes as he needed to check his paper to be 100% sure she was right. I am thankful for Mom’s energy, spunk and ever-alert sensitivities.
• I am also very thankful for Dad.  He is strong and active, walking better than Mom did the last year or so.  I am hopeful that we can occasionally get out to a restaurant for some onion rings or chili or pie, things that are just not the same at the convalescent hospital cafeteria.  He, too, is very alert, recognizing family and friends and joking with the caregivers. He knows Mom is at peace now, but he is still so very sad.  His memory of past events is still very good—and he proudly notes that he fell in love with Mom at first sight across the high school cafeteria.  They married in 1941. A few months ago he underwent surgery and was adamant that his wedding ring not be taken off—he has never taken it off since their wedding ceremony 71 years ago—and he never will until he is gone!  I am thankful for their ongoing love. And that I will be able to visit with him tomorrow.

• As Mom’s Memorial Service was so recent, I am very aware and very thankful for all the love and support that was extended about Mom and towards Dad.  The shared memories help—and the love shared by sister and nephews and aunt and cousins and my parents’ friends and neighbors helped me celebrate Mom’s life rather than just grieve over her loss.  I know she will be alive in my heart forever—and that is something else to be thankful for.
• Of course, there are all the usual things that I value—beautiful nature all around, decent health, good friends, time to spend with family and friends, and a lifetime ahead to build more memories and share more love and gratitude.

Please do me a favor:  As the holiday season unfolds with all its headaches, stress and frustrations over not enough time or money; too little sleep; friends and family who get on your nerves no matter how much you love them; and too much eating and drinking, taka a minute to stop and say “Thank you” and “I love you” to those who matter in your life.  You never know when being able to give one more hug will no longer be a reality.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Is It 2012 Already?

I cannot believe that it is 2012 already.  Where did the time go?  I last posted around Thanksgiving—and now it is January.  I had not planned on not blogging for these last weeks of the year; it just sort of happened.  I even read other blogs rather sporadically and commented even less.  Not sure why.  But I bet there is a short story in those missing weeks.

I started looking for reasons, alphabetically:   Absentmindedness?  Accident?  Adventure?  Alien Abduction?  Asthma Attack?  Avarice?  There is probably a bit of truth and fantasy in every option.  So I will just say the time passed, and I am getting back onto my routine.  Or trying to.  Given what day it is, I resolve to post to my blog at least twice a week, as I intended when I started this adventure.  Other resolutions will be posted later, probably.

As I look back on the holiday season, I do want to say thanks to my blogging friends, who kept busy even while I was silent.  I also appreciated the time I was able to spend with my parents this year—they are both getting older with increasing problems with memory and general aches and pains.  I cannot make things better for them, but I can spend time with them and share memories, pictures, movies, chocolate, and a general good time.  My parents seemed to enjoy the little family open house early in December!

At this time of year, I also just love the Christmas Spirit—colored lights and Secret Santas and reconnecting with friends, spending time with family, enjoying holiday goodies and watching Christmas movies.  It was a good holiday. I do resolve to keep my daily gratitude journal alive, even though I do not post everything from the journal on my blog.

Happy New Year, everyone!  What are you thankful for as the old year moves on and the new year starts?  Any resolutions you want to share?